Today was another hard Sunday, so I went home after sacrament. Being told to give up all unholy "stuff" and that God will give us spiritual gifts to overcome our weaknesses. I'm not saying the talks weren't interesting. They actually were. Just depressing. I left thinking about all the gay people who have committed suicide. Yes, I know--bad line of thought.
I've yet to meet or hear of too many gay/lesbians that "overcame" SGA. They all change course and accept it, or they evidently suffer for decades. Perhaps with some it is mild enough they can carry on.
The messages today kept talking about striving for perfection, and yet admitted to all of us that it will be eons after this life before we reach perfection. I kept wondering if God will say to me on that "big" day--well, did you have fun with the SGA? Nice cruel joke, huh.
But to be honest, thats just not the God I imagine. I'm pretty sure he could care less if I wear a white shirt to church, or a tie for that matter. I'm pretty sure he has far better means of judging our souls than temple recommend questions.
When you think of God, what do you think of?
funny you bring this up... I was called out by my brother today for being a bad example to my nephews for wearing sandals and not tucking in my shirt... I realized this would eventually become a problem (I just started going back to church so I could get away with it) but yeah whatever I don't care and don't think it should matter that much...
ReplyDeletebut to get to your question, I know god loves me. i cant explain it and don't care if non believers don't like my answer cause it doesn't matter. it's between me and him, everyone is different so whatever. so I guess to go on answering your question, I never used to think he loved me and so now when I can basically know that if he exists then I know he does love me and all this BS isn't really that big of deal helps me to keep going...
I agree with Cadence.
ReplyDeleteMove to TN, most people come dressed any way they want. Always neat & tidy but not always white shirt & tie. Some of the women even wear, can I say it out loud, PANTS! It was sort a weird to get used to, coming from the SLC. We're just happy when they come. I've really been trying to dissect "tradition" vs. "doctrine". Unfortunately there are many "traditions" we claim as "doctrine". It really hit me one Sunday when I went to the closet & all my white shirts were at the cleaners & I was feeling guilt & concern that the only clean shirt happened to be pale blue. Heaven forbid I wear pale blue instead of white. GOOD GRIEF!
ReplyDeleteAlso, meet with my bishop last night & he read a scripture that of course I can not find this morning but the just of it was "this life is a probationary state", meaning that there will be an end. Probation means "the process or period of testing or observing the character or abilities of a person in a certain role". The comfort I find there is not that my gayness will some day magically disappear but that there will at some point be an end to my anguish about my gayness. I may or may not be gay for all eternity but the anguish I feel over the pulling & tearing of my soul WILL end. I wish it would end TODAY! Point is, I try to see God as I see my kids. Stuff comes at them & I would give anything to take away their pain but I can't. I can be there & LOVE them knowing someday the pain they feel will be gone.
Kinda rambled, sorry...