I've been called by the "executive secretary" for an interview with the Bishop. I don't even want to go. I may just not show up. But if I go, what do I say. Oh, yes Bishop, I'm a good boy (by your terms), or Bishop, I'm happy my wife left me, and my kids are in another state, and I've done everything in my power to be a perfect mormon.... I haven't touched another man, and my desire has just magically gone away. I'm just thrilled with the general conference messages, especially the one by Boyd K. Packer telling me I'm just delusional.
Ok, enough of the sarcasm. I can say very little, lie, and stay in the church, or tell him everything, and probably get called to a disciplinary council and tossed out of the church.
I can feel my blood pressure rising..... He's going to ask me if I've remained true to my covenants, and ask me if I've been checking out porn, and if I'm making any progress on being worthy of a temple recommend.
Maybe not going is the best choice.
I'd suggest you not go until you have thought things through and you feel comfortable with a decision and where you want to be. You need to be in control of your life and decisions. Don't let the Bishop take you down a path you don't feel comfortable with. Some stay in and some go out. Not really easy either way. God loves you no matter what your decision is. Peace, Brad
ReplyDeleteHe only has as much power over you as you give him.
ReplyDeleteRealizing that was the single greatest changing moment in my relationship with the church.
He's a man. A neighbor. Possibly a friend--though if he's typical he will probably give his "position" and "authority" in the church more weight than any friendship (or even family relationship) that he has.
You don't have to "confess" anything to him. You don't have to share anything that you don't want to share. If he asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable, you can tell him that it's none of his business.
If the meeting leads to disciplinary proceedings you still have choices. You can grant them authority and submit to their proceedings. You can refuse to submit and let them proceed without you. You can go without granting them authority, and let them run through whatever hoops they want to run through. You can resign before things ever get to that point, and they will have no power whatsoever over you.
The church has (with increasing fervor over the years) installed itself as the intermediary between the individual and his salvation. But your relationship with God is yours alone. It's up to you to decide whether the church plays any part in that relationship.
I agree with Scott's advise; they're just doing their job by checking up on you and if you decide to go meet him you can tell him all you want--or not-- The way I had them back off myself was by telling them that I needed personal time and to just back off which they did. I explained nothing, said nothing and left it at that and any further requests were ignored.
ReplyDeleteI know that your situation may be different, these are your neighbors, friends but as Scott said, they only have as much power as you want to give them.
hugs,Miguel
He may just be concerned about you and wants to see how you are holding up.
ReplyDeleteDon't go. Refusing to meet with your bishop is not grounds for him to take action against you. As PL suggested, just tell them you need a little space right now.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't shy when my exec sec called saying the bishop wanted to meet with me and get to know me better: I said, "You know what, I'm in the process of moving, and to be honest, I don't feel the need to visit, but I will call you if that changes. Thanks." I think he may have tried to insist the bishop would still like to visit, but I just told him I appreciate the outreach but reiterated, trying not to come across as 'proud' or 'stiffnecked', that I needed some space right now, was doing alright, and would call when I was ready. He accepted that. My home teachers were more snippy when I assured them I was fine and had a solid support system outside of the ward and didn't want further contact, but so it goes. :-)
ReplyDeleteI went because I care about him as a friend. Didn't share much except how tough this fall has been because of my kids, and missing them. Those offices are good at releasing emotion. I left feeling like I need to move.
ReplyDeleteCan you move to where your kids are?
ReplyDeletewhat Scott said. Long-term.
ReplyDeletethe trouble I have is that whatever I "rehearse" to say at such meetings (church, work, it's all the same) never comes out like I want, so I think better not go at all, or to go and say as little as possible (which is my often failed strategy at work)
ReplyDeleteJust lie...or tell the truth, either way, you shouldn't tie yourself up in an effective knot over this.
ReplyDeleteIts better to address things directly than to let them fester. I did that for years. Emotionally unhealthy. Living a lie is not living at all.
ReplyDeleteBut you do need to be ready to accept the consequences of dealing with the issues. You are the sole judge of that.
As soon as I graduate from BYU I am transferring my records to a ward of my choice and talking to the bishop. The result will most likely be the same as your own predictions. Disciplinary Counsel followed by excommunication. But I can already feel the weight lifting from my shoulders as I think about do it. BYU is the last reason for me to feel like I can't be completely open, honest, and frank about my opinions, beliefs, and life choices. It is the only reason I haven't told extended family or that I avoid answering questions that may "out" me to people that are not my close friends.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I will be writing about that experience come January. It won't happen until my graduation is posted.