We've all had them. "Crushes." Some were from a distance, others were people that were really in our lives. I've written about a couple of mine before. One, the homecoming king, the other a missionary companion, friend/roommate. But over the past year, I've realized that there were others. Most were just guys I'd encounter once in awhile.
Brent was tall, blond, thin, and gorgeous. He had dark skin. His aunt and uncle were best friends of my parents. I'd see him each summer when all of us would gather at the lake. It was the kind of setting that meant beaches, boats and bathing suits. He did that act quite well. I saw him a few times from the age of 12 to 15. He was a year older than me, and frankly, I was scared of him. He seemed to have it all right, when I had it all wrong. Stupid, high school perspective, I know. So of course, I never revealed in any way, shape, or form these sentiments.
Jon was also a year older than me. He went to my high school, and he drove me crazy for one reason only--his body. We were both on the Football team, which in my small town meant we spent a fair amount of time in the group shower together. His "endowment" was substantial, he knew it, and loved to joke about it. UGGGH....
Joe was a fellow freshman with me in college. We were both in Choir, both lived in the same hall in the dorms. He was quite an actor, and the girl I was dating that year became good friends with him because she was the stage manager in their production of Equus. He had the lead, need I say more. But in addition to sexy, he was interesting, and I kind of made an effort after awhile to get to know him. He hadn't thought too much of me previously. He kind of thought I was just some republican rich boy, and somehow to his more liberal farm boy actor views, that wasn't too good. We became great friends, worked out a lot together, and still communicate via facebook. In those days, the crush was real, I just couldn't have admitted it.
In my Sophomore year of college, Joe's roommate also became my friend (Mark). Mark was in choir, kind of a religious kid (now a protestant minister). He came from a fascinating town, and a real "business" kind of family. We spent some time together, and like all these guys in my dorm, "knew" each other from top to bottom thanks to the 50's group showers. Mild crush, but I realize now that it was real.
Post mission, in my BYU days, I had that previously referenced crush to the old mission comp, but also had a physical one on his roommate, Paul. Paul was a baseball player, had a hot body, and was fun. He was kind of touchy--like athletes can be, and didn't mind showing off the bod. It had an affect.
Post marriage, my opportunities for befriending guys pretty much ended (or so I thought) and from that point, it seemed my crushes were just a succession of guys in the ward that turned me on. You see--I live in a ward with tons of turnover, and lots of young married students that move in and out. One or two a year always catches my eye. I always left them alone... Admiration from afar.
I used to just think that I was just admiring them. Ha. What a joke. There was far more too it, that I didn't want to admit.
How well I can relate! One told oneself that it is "admiration" to make the feelings we feel acceptable to ourselves, all the while secretly - way deep down - admitting to the truth, but never letting it see the light of day.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.