Difficult Days? Week from Hell.

What a week. I wouldn't have wished for it. Work was slow, as usual this time of year, and money is tight, which I would never wish for it to be this time of year. Thursday I felt like I should call my mother for some reason, and I found out my stepfather is terminal with cancer. Harsh discovery, as you can imagine, though not completely unexpected due to health history.

The sad part is what it will put him and my mother through in the next six months or so. It has already begun. She called me back this am, hardly knowing how to deal with him. Seems he's losing part of his "rational" forces, so to speak. I don't know how well she'll deal with it. Thankfully she has all the insurance in the world on herself and himself, including insurance to pay for home health care, assisted living, and long term care. Ouch.

So after hearing that, hanging up, and saying a few expletives, I immediately tried calling my sister, which as usual was a hopeless task. Left her a scary message and called my aunt/uncle, then my brother.

So in the course of this conversation with my brother, something happened which I really hadn't intended. I just mentioned that I couldn't get in touch with our sister. He then said, with seriousness, and a very snide tone, "oh, she's probably hanging out with her GAY friends." At that point, something snapped in my head, and I said the following: Well, I wouldn't say too much about them, since your brother is one of them. But, we'll talk more about that later. Then I told him I loved him and hung up. I don't know why I did that. I just was kind of mad, and maybe just looking for an way to get it over with.

I texted my sister to call me, and later she did. I figured there was no better time, so I came out to her. (More on that in a bit). I guess I figured I'd just let my brother stew on it all night. The next morning, at 7 am, he called me, which wasn't a surprise. What was a surprise, was how difficult it was just to talk about it with him. He basically said--You gave me the wierdest phone call of my life--you tell my stepfather is dying, and that you are gay, then hang up. You have to give me more than that.

I told him I just thought I'd teach him a lesson. He said he wasn't surprised, and since he's known me my whole life, he has seen plenty of OGT's. He said something to the effect that he wasn't as much of a bigot as I thought he was, and he understood from a physician's perspective that it wasn't something I chose, or something I had picked.

It was a hard conversation to have. I got emotional, cried some when we got to talking about the church. I told him what I thought of Boyd K. Packer's comments in conference and living an empty celibate life. He of course gently responded with a "well, we don't know why" and your life will just be harder. He did better than I thought he'd do, and reminded me of a couple things--like the fact that I did have at least 10 years of good marriage, and got 2 children and 2 stepchildren out of life--something most gay guys never get. His days as a bishop have done him some good. He kept reminding me how being gay wasn't all of "who" I was. Is that just code for put this back in the closet and leave it there?

So--at least he won't be bothering me about getting married soon.

My sister is a very different person. Not religious, not married, lives in Chicago with long term boyfriend. So, I basically had a simple conversation with her doing the same thing, though I didn't hang up or something dramatic. Just told her I was Gay, and she told me ok, and she would support me. We spent a lot of time texting that night, and she called me the next day, ready to talk more. Most of her talking was about being careful, etc. Can't say I blame her--thats what a good sister should tell a brother in this position.

All in all, these conversations have gone well. My entire immediate family, children, siblings, and parents, know. I'm basically done for now with the "outing."

It was an adventure, and stressed me out. I'm glad its over, and Christmas is coming. It could have gone so much worse. Tough, fascinating week.