Today was quite a day. My oldest step child left for college today. Emotional, hard to let go, but I just knew the fun that she was going to experience. Just before that, I took my youngest to kindergarten for the testing they do on kids right before they start. I don't even remember kindergarten myself. The excitement in his eyes was so beautiful. I love those kids more than anything on this earth.
So lately I've been wondering what to do with my marriage. (see previous posts for details). I wrote two checks to my wife last night of rather significant size. I told her I had something to give her, and handed them to her. Then I explained that one was to pay for a therapist/psychologist to help her deal with her PTSD problems. She said she was waiting for the Bishop to tell her who to go to. I was pleasantly surprised just to hear that. This means she talked to him about it. Now this is in her hands. I have done literally everything I can (including behaving myself) to provide her with the means to put things back together. Now money isn't even her obstacle. Will she do it? I think so. Will it fix the situation? That remains to be seen. I'm not expecting a quick fix.
As the month comes to an end, I am forced to recall that we haven't touched eachother in a year. Its no way to live a marriage. Its a sure way to bring more temptation than you'd ever want. I've never in my life felt more gay, never felt more physical desire for men, and thats on top of the emotional "wants" we all have for connection. It has led me to wonder if she even should stay in this marriage.
So boys, here's my list of dont's:
1. Don't agree to your wife leaving you for 15 months to go to graduate school one state away
2. Don't let problems with intimacy fester for years in your marriage, building anger and distance between you. If you are the one with problems--solve them.
3. Don't start looking at gay porn as a relief.
4. Don't take a daily look at craigslist to see what fellows are out there that you could possibly connect with.
5. Don't begin your marriage with any deceit about your attractions. Tell all. If they won't marry you, you weren't meant to be married.
I'm reading in bed & my four year old & two year old are laughing & giggling in their room. Sweet music.
ReplyDeleteIs there any way to undo your agreement to allow your wife to go to school so far away? The school of her choice doesn't happen to be in TN does it? If so, we could help watch out for her.
Is she open to ANY touch?
So sorry that this is where you are. You have your list of don'ts but do you have YOUR list of do's? Are you working on yourself? So easy to observe & dole out options from afar. Especially when my own life is in a mess. Hope your well.
Mnj: The school one state away is essentially over. She finished the classwork 10 months ago. Since then she's been home 95% of the time, though she will spend next month away.
ReplyDeleteTouch--maybe me rubbing her feet, or a half hug. Nothing prolonged, nothing intimate.
I'll work on that list of do's--but the list kind of varies by what you want to achieve in life.
"Don't begin your marriage with any deceit about your attractions. Tell all. If they won't marry you, you weren't meant to be married"
ReplyDeleteHi Joe, this struck a cord by one of our conversations in which my wife told me if I had disclosed this to her before marrying she would not have married me at all. Sad but true.
Glad you're making some progress even if you instigate it.
Hugs,pl
Great "don't" list for those entering into a marriage. Kind of way-too-late hindsight for those of us who have violated most of those and regretted doing so and still paying the price...
ReplyDelete