One down, three to go... Coming out to my children

While many of you are hopefully enjoying pride celebrations this weekend, I'm not. I have all my kids at home. Children and Stepchildren. My sons haven't been home in 2 months, so it is wonderful to have them home for the summer. They seem pretty good, and really happy to be back amidst their friends. We had a great day, and went swimming this afternoon.



My accomplishment of the day was coming out to my oldest stepdaughter. She's a wonderful, open girl who has gone through a great deal in life. Too much, but most of that was out of my control. I kind of had to do it. At some point, things reach a situation where you have to act. It had reached that situation.



Nearly a year ago, my former spouse was over at a neighbor/friends home having a conversation about our situation. This neighbor was among the few that knew about me, because I had admitted it to her. What my former spouse didn't know was that the neighbor's son was listening. He head something to the effect of "I can never trust him again." I don't think much more than that, but I really don't know. Recently, this young man (who is a wonderful kid) shared this with my younger stepdaughter. She shared it with her Aunt, who shared it with the grandmother of my stepdaughters. The grandmother told me this morning. My stomach sank. I realized I had no more time, that I had to start this process.



I thought about it for awhile, while I was working out, etc. A few hours later, I found myself alone in the living room with the oldest stepdaughter, and I knew it was time. I pushed "pause" on the show she was watching on demand, and then the conversation began. I told her that I needed to talk to her, and immediately her face dropped. She was expecting me to give her some sort of lecture I think. So, I said--this isn't about you, its about me. I'll do my best to paraphrase what I said--forgive the literary license..



"I was told recently that I'm not too good at sharing things with other people sometimes that are real personal. Unfortunately, I think this has hurt you. I need to talk to you about your mother and I, but before I do that I want you to know how much I love you, care about you and want to do everything I can to make your life better. Feel free to ask questions--I promise I will answer them." She then told me that she had been told the "rumor" about me doing something to ruin her mother's trust, and asked me what it was. I told her at that point, that it was true, but it wasn't the whole story. I told her I was attracted to men, and some women, and she just nodded her head and said--I can understand that. Then I went through and explained what that meant, and how it was how I was made, and there isn't really anything I can do about it. I explained that I had failed to tell her mother this when we were dating, and then we talked a lot about her Mom, some other factors that were destructive to our marriage, etc.



We talked for at least 15 minutes about all this. Needless to say, I have seldom held her attention so well. It was a good conversation, and a necessary conversation. I asked her to please let me share these things with her sister, and others, and that if she needed to talk about them, she was welcome to talk with her mother.



She hugged me, told me how much she loved me, and things seemed pretty good. I know she'll have some "adjustment" dealing with this, and I have a feeling a boyfriend may learn about this soon when she feels the need to "unload."



I don't know when I'll tell the second one, but I have a feeling it will be tomorrow. A good friend tells me I need to take my time with my sons, as they are younger. Others tell me to just do it, and get it over with.



Each has a different personality, and this will have to be dealt with in a slightly different manner. Age and real understanding also will determine part of this.



All in all, it was positive, and I feel yet "free-er" from the load of living a lie.