My Stepfather's funeral :(

Yesterday was a fascinating day. By most people's definitions a hard one, but to me, quite wonderful in a lot of ways.



My stepfather died, and I flew back to the midwest on Friday afternoon, meeting my sister at the airport, and driving to my Mother's. Beyond the frigid weather and enormous quantities of snow, it wasn't the ideal circumstances for a trip back. But there have been some wonderful things about it.



For the first time in my life, my sister and I spent 2 hours talking candidly and openly about my homosexuality. We talked about friends of hers, and different experiences they have gone through. She literally cried at the thought of the church's response to people like me. She expressed a lot of disgust about all that she perceived that I had done for the church, and what would happen now. I hadn't really thought of it that way. She told me the story of her long time boyfriend's nephew and his coming out to her this past month.



Being here for my mother was really important to me. I just knew she needed the emotional support. Friday night she expressed a lot of concerns about being the 2nd wife when it comes time for the "end." Funerals can bring out all sorts of strange things. Most of the day on Saturday was spent with at the Catholic Church in this tiny town my stepfather grew up nearby.

I have been to Catholic weddings, and probably a funeral (though I don't remember it) but 80% plus of my extended family is protestant. Their views and methods of expressing their spirituality are mostly protestant (or a few mormons). I felt like my job was just to stand by my mother and shepherd her through the day, and thats pretty much what I did. It is awkward to walk into a funeral (which started with a 1 hour visitation sort of thing) when you are seeing hundreds (and yes hundreds) of small town friends and relatives of your deceased spouse, his children, his grandchildren, etc. Frankly, it went wonderfully. I haven't hugged so many people since my wedding reception.



I cherished the opportunity to see my own extended family, and some close family friends. It just lifted my spirits in so many way. After it was all over, we went home, spent the afternoon as a family, went out to eat, then went to a movie. Wonderful laughs, and just the thrill of spending time together when geography has distanced us so much.



There was of course, a spiritual side to all this. Shortly after we arrived at the church, the gang started setting up flowers, and also a lot of sentimental things, like pictures, and my Stepfather's accordian. Suddenly, the feeling struck me. I could just feel him there. His presence, and love. It didn't pass quickly. I told my mother, but I wasn't quite sure if she believed me. Unmistakable really. The service, was, like most Catholic services, very symbolic, and full of traditions. The priest speaks, the audience responds. My mind kept finding similarities between Latter-Day Saint beliefs, and Catholic traditions. We believe in the sacrament of bread and water, they do to. We have priests to bless ours, their priest blesses theirs. He made a statement encouraging all Catholic's "in good standing" with the church to come forward and receive Communion. I found that reference rather stunning. He made a gentle statement of sadness about all the divisions within Christianity. The symbolism about the Savior was evident throughout. A very real belief that Jesus Christ takes upon himself our sins.

Other things were rather foreign. A poster on the back of the Cathedral asking members to donate to the "Sister's retirement fund." ie, taking care of their nuns. Another poster encouraging their young men to consider a calling as a priest, since they have a notable shortage of them.

All in all, an emotional, but beautiful day (despite the cold).