Tonight I was talking to one of my female relatives and her young boyfriend. Interestingly, she told me about a boy who recently came out to his parents that had once been her elementary school "boyfriend." He was a really nice kid, but always tended towards the feminine. She told me his parents kicked him out of the house. I stated, and they agreed, that his parent's choice was a great example of mormons forgetting to be Christians.
We talked for awhile about how being gay isn't exactly a choice anyone makes, and being a mormon "gay" is awful. Of course, I didn't tell them I knew all of this from my own personal experiences in life.
I told a friend and neighbor about my SSA. She's a great liberal friend, and immediately started asking me how it was affecting my testimony. Kind of a liberating conversation really. She understood perfectly what I was going through. It helped her understand a lot of what my wife has been talking about with her in terms of our marriage problems.
Ever had one of those liberating conversations?
Tell us all about yours....
I had a similar conversation with a co-worker. She and I were car pooling back from a company retreat last year. She is LDS, from a very small town in Idaho and is friends with my brother and sister-in-law (that's how she came to work for my company). I can't really even remember how the topic came up, but I just said "you do understand I am gay right?". I said it that way because I knew she had an idea. She basically responded that she had thought so but wasn't sure. We then had a great conversation about the challenges of being gay and LDS - even an inactive member like me. It was VERY liberating and has made working together extremely comfortable because the vast majority of people in my office do not know my orientation. I don't have many OGCs really - a love for musicals and show tunes is really it.
ReplyDeleteComing out to liberal members of the LDS Church is great, because often they are treated the same way as gay Mormons, as if something is wrong with them. Plus they have the added advantage in life of being liberal.
ReplyDeleteBy now I have come out to most of my Mormon friends, and all of the "liberal" ones are even better friends than they were before. I am not too concerned with religion anymore, but I personally believe that liberal people are usually the more "Christ-like" people that there are, and are truly concerned with the well-being of others.
Hi Joe, I hope things are going alright.
ReplyDeletePeople who don't fit the norm in the church understand part of our plight because they've had to hide or keep their feelings supressed to an extent. I've heard several ex-mormon friends refer to 'coming out' of sorts when telling their families/friends about their disbelief and often times they will become your most understanding and supportive allies. I'm glad you've found someone like that, it does make it easier to deal with life!
hugs,pl
I agree with Public Loneliness. I remember a good friend of mine coming over to my house about 10 years ago and basically saying that after careful reflection, he was leaving the Church. That he'd never had that confirmation that he felt he should have. And he has been very supportive of me. The only thing he said was "so all those times we went camping, were you staring at my rear." I replied that he didn't have a rear to stare at.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is, I was active at the time he told me he left the Church. And I didn't react all that well. I wasn't critical, I just didn't know what to say to him. I'm afraid I came off as cold, which makes his later generosity especially kind.
So, I try to be patient with old member-friends who struggle with my situation. I try to remember that I didn't handle my lack of understanding for this friend all that well.
I'm currently going through a period of "coming out" about both being non-heterosexual and disaffected with the church. I just posted a blog post about it, if you are interested.
ReplyDelete