Today is a day I won't soon forget. Morning began as normal, didn't stay that way. One thing led to another, and I was crying, writing an email to my wife, asking her to tell me what she wanted. It wasn't a real, real short email. Her choice--leave, stay or give her more time. She wants the first. She'll never trust me again, no matter whether or not she loves me, which she says she does.
So, the die is cast. It was actually cast long, long ago, when we were dating, and she asked me a real long question wanting to know everything I'd ever done--so to speak. I answered, and omitted all pre-baptism stuff. I knew at the time I could have told her then, but didn't. I deceived her about who I was.
So boys and girls, it doesn't take a juicy exciting affair to wreck a marriage. If so, I sure missed the boat. You don't even have to do much of anything. You don't even have to tell a lie--you can just omit something. In otherwords, a lie of omission.
I'm guilty. I built a house on the sand, and it is falling. Today that mystery ending was basically written. I don't think much will change that now.
The story is much longer, much more complex, and involves far more, but this is what it all boils down to.
I feel terrible tonight.
Wow...I haven't followed your blog much, but happened to read this post. Sounds like the time I finally came out to my (now ex)-wife. Knowing that life as I knew it was over and I had no idea what was coming. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I know how you're feeling. Be strong.
ReplyDeleteTo be blunt, when I first read your story I knew you'd eventually get to this point. It was inevitable.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I've been where you are. I know exactly how you feel too. I didn't believe it either when people told me eventually things would get better. But they were right. So hang on. And feel free to e-mail me privately if I can do anything to help.
Joe, from what I have read, you did all you could to hold things together. I married not acknowledging that I was homosexual. I couldn't be. I thought what I felt toward other men was a remnant of sinful choices in my youth.
ReplyDeleteLater in life, and well into our marriage, I was unfaithful to my wife with another man. I think the difference between my wife and yours is that my wife truly views our marriage from an eternal perspective. She sees not the broken man in me, but the man she knows I can become. I am eternally grateful for her.
My heart breaks for you. I pray that you will still have the opportunity to be close to your children and be the fine father that you have been.
Prayers sent your way.
Unlike the others who have commented, I can't honestly say I have any idea what you are going through. I did however want you to know I was thinking about you and hoping you find your way.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Alan-- things may look bleak now, but they will likely get better in time. Right now, though, it's a tough, tough situation to be in.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you. Please keep blogging if you can.
Joe, this makes me sad... and my thoughts will be geared towards you at this time. I can't say I'm sorry enough to provide the comfort necessary, but please lean on any of us if you need to talk or any kind of support.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been through an experience like this, but others have. There are people who think of you and who care about you. There are people that can help.
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. This sounds like a really difficult time. We're all here to help you through.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys. I'm a fellow with friends, and people who love me. I can be grateful for a normally cheerful outlook at times like these. I'll make it.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you too.
ReplyDeleteHey Joe,
ReplyDeleteI know no one really knows what you're going through but in many ways I can only imagine, having felt the same angst and panic about 8 months ago. Just know you have lots of people thinking of you. Things happen for a reason. Just know we're all pulling for you whatever the outcome, you have friends/support here, use us as sounding board and/or whatever else you'll need.
Big hug,pl
I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your situation, but I hope it works out to be a good thing for you in the end. Having followed your blog from the beginning I can only see your life getting better. Just keep that cheerful outlook :)
ReplyDeleteHey, I thought about you last night and most of the day today. I just want to let you know I care and hope things get better for you real soon.
ReplyDeletehug
bror
Joe!
ReplyDeleteAt least you can move forward now!
Time for you to build a new house on a bit more solid ground this time around......
-Dean