Why did I marry her?

After reading Mister Curie's post, I feel like I need to ask this question, and thoroughly answer it myself. Why did I marry my wife? What was it that made me feel it was the right move.

During the 4 years before we met, I was a BYU student going to a BYU ward. I knew I had attractions towards men, but I had thoroughly repressed them for a long time. Still, a hot guy could turn me on, and I knew it. I had dated (badly) during those years several girls looking for whatever I thought it was I needed. I could hardly hold their hands out of "fear" that the LDS interpretation of the gospel puts into you. I had sat through Church Disciplinary Councils (not my own) which enlarged the fear.

I felt less than ideal as a dating prospect. I was overweight, had these attractions, and had been rejected a few times for more serious relationships. BYU is good at putting that feeling in you, due to SSA, and the quality of the competition. Its filled with beautiful, good looking young men, many of whom have a lot to offer.

So when I met my wife, she was divorced, struggling financially, with kids. She was really quiet. We met in a setting where a bunch of older gals knew me well, and I saw them once a week while volunteering. Like all Provo folks, they felt it their duty to guide single young people together. I can't fault them a bit. So, they started pushing. At first, I just sort of ignored it. Then my wife started getting friendlier, and had the guts to ask me out---sort of. So I went, got to know her, and built a friendship with her. Soon we were dating, etc. Though she was and is beautiful, I didn't feel that same intimidation in dating that I had felt before. She had baggage....

That "baggage" eliminated that reluctance on my part. I was in my 20's and still generally horny enough to want "it." Friendship first, dating started, then attraction kind of began, to some degree. Plenty for me. It was new, exciting, and gave me something I hadn't had for 7 years--a girlfriend. My family wasn't thrilled, and maybe I should have listened--but thats not the way the cookie has crumbled.

Attraction grew with the fun, and she really came out of her shell. I was falling in love, and so was she. Put two people like this together long enough, and you'll likely see a result. I was going to get everything I was supposed to get. So it happened.

There have been wonderful times, great memories, along with the tough ones. I'll never say marrying her was a mistake. it gave me so much. It gave her so much. Frankly, we just needed eachother at this point in our lives. Things change though...

Another topic: Yesterday I learned that I hate being in the closet. I hate that I have to hide my attractions and desires, and that society pushes us deep into closets because we don't meet their criteria. Why can't we all just accept eachother for what we are?