So readers, (however many of you are out there) my inspiration for this struck as I was walking into my office building this am. I realized the truly potent distraction that good looking men pose to me in trying to life any sort of Mormon life. And of course, living in a college town with about 60,000 students, they are everywhere.
They are in all the restaurants, sometimes eating, sometimes working. They are in the Gym, in large beautiful numbers. They are running down my street and along the trails with no shirts on. They are laying on blankets in the parks making out with girls (remember, this is Provo). They are driving the great BMW that pulls up to me on University avenue filled with them. They work at the mall in all sorts of spots. I guess you get the point. My mind, following my eyes, goes to work, and if alone, my mouth spouts off a quiet--"he's hot." Then the mind starts asking "do you think he's gay?" Followed of course by my eyes searching the fellow top to bottom, evaluating such things as type of clothes, jewelry (or lack thereof), hairstyle, and body quality. Uggh.
Most are forgotten shortly, a few recognized repeatedly, like the server I've had twice at Olive Garden. A few put me into orbit in a way I don't even remember seeing my wife ever doing. You know--the tall tan kid with 8% body fat and rippling muscles, great hair and some degree of friendliness perhaps. Those are trouble. You want to stare, you want to get to know.
Fortunately, for those of us who are still married, it doesn't happen, or if it does, your moral fortitude against adultery puts any actions to a kabosh. But wow can they distract you.
I'm finding it hard, perhaps worse than ever, to live this moral mormon, lock step life. Some of my marital problems are making it much harder, but attraction distraction isn't too new. You really can't avoid it when 1/2 the population is male, and a pretty good portion meet some mental criteria your subconscious has set. I have felt harder moments, back when I was actively addicted to porn. I really felt my mind wasn't working right, my ability to make any kind of logical/rational decision was impaired. Is it still that way? Will it always be because of addiction, however sober I may or may not be.
A fellow in the recovery group says he has to talk himself another direction mentally on a constant basis. Of course, I don't think he's attracted to men.
Talk to me boys. How do you deal with attraction distraction, or do you just suffer/daydream your way through it?
I think dwelling on it probably makes it worse. Try just enjoying the view and don't think about it too much.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure straight guys notice when a good looking woman walks into the room - so, is it really so terrible of us to notice a cute guy?
I agree with Abe. I enjoy the view. The beauty and magnificence of God's creation deserves to be admired. I don't let myself get swamped by erotic daydreams but I don't think it's wrong to notice and appreciate either.
ReplyDeleteI'm friends with a few gay servers at Olive Garden. I might know your guy. Haha.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it's ok just to think that person is good looking esp. when chances are you won't see them again
ReplyDeletebut about the so called "crush" the people you might see on some type of regular basis, there was a guy that worked down the hall and the first time I saw him the phrase "he took my breath away" applies, so I thought he was one of the best looking people I've seen... time went on I kinda talked to him and he seemed kinda jerkish and then a lot of time went on I moved up stairs and I recently saw him and yeah he's still good looking but nothing near what I thought he was... so whatever I'll shut up now...
Yeah, who doesn't have an attraction distraction. As my wife would say, I have a crush on a good looking guy. I don't see him that often but I see him enough. And from what small talk we have done, he seems like a great guy. How will I deal with it? I am going to get to know him better. :)
ReplyDeleteI like Abe's and Alan's approach and for the most part, "enjoying the view" is where it ends. But sometimes... even often... I just get blown away and suffer my way through it... *heavy sigh*
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