Yesterday I went over to the gym and got some exercise. Since I go a lot I have gotten to know a few people over the past years (and recognize far more). One of them is a nice gay fellow with a long term partner. I have talked to him a couple of times, and I was sitting in the hot tub yesterday when he got in. We got to talking about his life, his partner, and his history. He had been married too, no kids, his wife passed away. Both he and his partner both served LDS missions. We talked about how things went for them when they came out to their families, and that sort of stuff. I admitted to him that I had my share of SSA, and he wasn't a bit surprised. It was really liberating to have a live (face to face) conversation with someone about things I was going through, and that sort of thing. So nice to have someone to talk to who understands and has felt it all before.
He told me about his life "before." He couldn't "perform" with his wife without thinking of men, and obviously had a really hard time being faithful, and avoiding porn. He told me that as soon as he and his partner got together, all those naughty obsessions just sort of vanished.
I kind of felt like the ignorant one in the conversation. When I left, he gave me a hug. Great fellow. I just sort of felt like I'd been temporarily released from current life in a penal colony? Know what I mean?
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is liberating to talk to someone in person about this stuff. It helps to put it in writing and on the computer/blogs, but it does not match the feeling of talking to someone face to face. Congratulations on this step!
ReplyDeletehugs, pl
Sure I know what you mean. It is great to have these face to face chats. I usaully have the gym all to myself here, I am jealous you have some one to talk to. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, I remember when I first started speaking to gay men (at 27). I had spent my entire life believing the churches position that they were "evil" folk, who gave themselves over to carnal pleasure. But actually meeting and talking to another gay man, made me realise that they (we) are just like everyone else, but just happen to be attracted to people of the same sex. Gay men are just like everyone else - they want to love, work, be citizens, care, do the right thing by others, be honest etc. I remember actually being upset at the Church for misleading me about these wonderful and "normal" people.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I met a gay man was in 1989 in college. It was such a different time, and I had such a different feeling about things. I was a bigot, hiding my own attractions quite well in those days. I regret some things I said to him.
ReplyDelete