Yesterday was rainy, and I tried to make some progress. Took a son to his game, read a book, worked out, etc. In the afternoon I found myself laying on my bed next to my wife, and it was one of those moments where I really wanted her affection. I put my head on her chest. She didn't push it off, but she wasn't comfortable. Her muscles were sort of involuntarily contracting.
Last night we watched Gran Torino (Clint Eastwood's latest). Don't watch it if you can't handle swearing. Afterwards I put my shoes on and told my wife to come with me. We went over to Baskin Robbins and got some Ice Cream and just talked. She talked about her marathons, and I tried to listen. Finally I asked her where we were going to do? She didn't get it at first, and I had to clarify that I was asking about "us." She just had no answer. I just kept my mouth shut, and waited. And waited. Her only comment--"it was a lot to process." Meaning, me being attracted to men. And that was pretty much it. Months and months later, thats it.
The whole time we were there, I was feeling the total irony of this situation. I'm sitting there talking to my wife, attempting to move forward in the business of saving our marriage, while hot young guys with their girlfriends are totally distracting my visual attention. Good grief. I sort of felt like there was no hope. I had to keep pushing my eyes away from one of them, a tall well built guy with a perfect rear end.
So thats my real world as of yesterday.
Patience sucks sometimes but it's also necessary. Sounds like she needs more time.
ReplyDeleteI second Alan's comment. It probably took years of my wife asking the "what is going to happen?" question before I grew the balls to tell her what was going to happen, you know the rest--but I had to be comfortable enough to deal with whatever was going to happen. Regardless of the situation, it is hard to think of the what if's...eventually someone had to take the plunge, otherwise neither one of us would ever make the move...give her time.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm comfortable with either result--though each has its price. Would still prefer to make it work.
ReplyDeleteThe patience will last awhile longer.
It sounds like you are making progress, even if slowly. If she is open to the idea of meeting or talking with other wives, please let me know.
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