So while on my travels last week, I had some time to wander around. I walked and walked through a neighborhood which was as diverse as it gets, with plenty of gay and lesbian individuals (readily apparent). I went into a bookstore and it suddenly didn't bother me a bit to pick up a gay mens magazine (not porn) and stand there looking at it. I just didn't care if people knew my attractions or not. That was a unique feeling, not something I've ever had before.
I behaved myself, but I can sure see how different life "could" be if I was out in the open. But that can probably never be, especially living in the heart of mormondom.
Now I'm back in the Provo, back at work, back with my family, watching my kids enjoy their summers, etc. My wife still won't let me touch her beyond a hug. Attraction distraction resumes its normal course. Hope all of you are taking the time to enjoy life. I've been spending a lot of time on a community service project which has brought me a lot of fun, and satisfaction.
It's pretty cool, isn't it, to escape the bubble and just be open and casual about who you really are. I remember the first time I blithely picked up a copy of the Advocate in a bookstore and bought it too, with the kids right there. Definitely cool.
ReplyDeleteOf course you can live out in the open. There is no reason that you cannot experience the same happiness that you had in Seattle for the rest of your life. However, it will take preparation before you can have it and some major life changes. The best thing to do is to create a support network who will be there if you decide to "come out". These people cannot be Mormons, or they must be liberal Mormons - people who will support your sexuality no matter what. You will need these people if you come out, because many people in the Church will leave you. Transfer your social needs to these people, and then you will be in a social position to "come out". Your "spiritual" needs are another question, and Im afraid I can offer no help here. I cannot see how being openly gay and Mormon are compatible. You may want to look at another religion for spiritual fulfillment should you decide to come out.
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