Well, I came home, and grabbed my son and went to Star Trek. I just couldn't spend another night at home. Good movie. Not much of a week. Wife left again for 4 days of freedom from me and the tribe.
Monday I'm going to see our marriage counselor, alone. I don't quite know what to talk to the gal about.
Gee--well my wife isn't here because she'd rather be in Las Vegas than home.
Gee--my friends tell me I'm just being used until she's done with her education in Dec.
Gee--she won't tell me whether or not she even wants to be married to me despite the fact that its been 8 months since she found out.
Gee--for a guy who didn't have an affair, why is life like this?
Gee--maybe what she said when she found out I'm bi-sexual is probably still true.
or Maybe I'll ask:
So do you think she should have said she loves me sometime in the last year or two?
So when should she finally move on to reconstruction..
How do I tell her that a lot of the time, I'm not even sure I want this to work?
Should anyone stay in a loveless marriage just for their kids? I've had co-workers tell me that.
I guess I'm kind of up in the air about it. Maybe I'll get some insight.
Monday I'm going to see our marriage counselor, alone. I don't quite know what to talk to the gal about.
Gee--well my wife isn't here because she'd rather be in Las Vegas than home.
Gee--my friends tell me I'm just being used until she's done with her education in Dec.
Gee--she won't tell me whether or not she even wants to be married to me despite the fact that its been 8 months since she found out.
Gee--for a guy who didn't have an affair, why is life like this?
Gee--maybe what she said when she found out I'm bi-sexual is probably still true.
or Maybe I'll ask:
So do you think she should have said she loves me sometime in the last year or two?
So when should she finally move on to reconstruction..
How do I tell her that a lot of the time, I'm not even sure I want this to work?
Should anyone stay in a loveless marriage just for their kids? I've had co-workers tell me that.
I guess I'm kind of up in the air about it. Maybe I'll get some insight.
Joe, your questions don't have easy answers, I wouldn't even attempt to give them a shot. However, one of my biggest worries was the kids, staying together for their sake then risking the possibility that if they ever found about all the problems and feeling guilty for making us 'suffer' on their behalf, or feeling that their entire lives were a lie...it isn't easy either way, but I see my own kids being very resilient to what is going on.
ReplyDeleteHugs, pl
You sound like a matter of convenience for her. I guess I'm with your friends on this.
ReplyDeleteI was determined to stay in my marriage too even though I was utterly miserable and it wasn't till afterward that I realized how much. I can't make this decision for you of course, but from everything you've said, sounds like the writing is already on the wall and things may end up being better for all concerned if you both just faced reality and split amicably. Still, don't do it without consulting a lawyer and figuring out exactly what it would cost you. You could get killed financially without good advice.
ReplyDeleteI've just finished your blog from the beginning. Wow, no easy answers like PL said. I'd agree with Alan. If you can break on good terms now rather than waiting and letting the anger fester, it might be a good idea. At least you got to see a good movie.
ReplyDeleteJoe, if you are doing what you do for the kids, then you should do some research on whether parents splitting, or parents staying together but unhappily is best for the kids. Make sure the research is independent and peer reviewed. My understanding is that it is actually better for the kids to not live in a home with unloving parent.
ReplyDeleteAlternatively, if you really want to give this marriage every chance (kids aside), wait until December to see what your wife does after school. If nothing improves by then or if nothing changes, then you can be confident things will always stay as they are. If you are not happy with that, then initiate change yourself i.e. split.